He's The One
by MadiMarieG
Summary: On the Anniversary of Tommy's leaving, Hedwig has a lot to think about. Hedwig/Yitzhak plus a little but of Hedwig/Tommy as well.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Hedwig or anything affiliated with it. The lovely John Cameron Mitchell does3. You might notice that some parts may be slightly similar to the movie. I just used them to progress the story. Please R&R. I know there's not enough Hedwig fanfiction so I hope this helps add to the collection :).

 **Chapter 1**

I wake up in sweaty mess, with nothing but a feeling of dread in our hotel room in New York. I take a few deep breaths and try to remember where I am. My eyes dart around the room and find their way to the cable TV that was left on before we fell asleep, and then to the man sleeping next to me. Surprisingly, my tossing and turning didn't wake him. I look over at the clock; it's nearly five in the morning. I rub my eyes gently and slowly get out of bed and start maneuvering through the maze of wigs to get to the bathroom. I shut the door and sit on the toilet for a moment and put my head in my hands. I'm suddenly flooded with different feelings of dread, sadness, hurt, and regret. I stand up to look at myself in the mirror. 'Why?' I thought for a moment. 'No, you know why.' I shake my head to get rid of the thought. 'It's been years.' I said almost arguing with myself 'He doesn't care, he's moved on.' I look at myself one last time and splash a little cool water on my face before quietly making my way back to bed. I slide back on to my side stiffly and give Yitzhak his space. I'm facing him and he is faced towards me. As I watch him sleep, I see him stir and his brows furrow before I feel a weight around my waist. He wraps his arm around me protectively; I notice he does this a lot when he sleeps. But not only when he sleeps, he's very protective of me always. I suppose I should be so lucky, lucky to have someone who wants to care for me. He pulls me closer and I feel a sense of security. I feel like I can actually sleep peacefully now, but of course that's short lived.

I wake up a few hours later and notice the weight that was once wrapped around me isn't there anymore. I sit up slowly and lean back against the wall. I hear the shower running which means I have a few minutes alone. I start flipping through the channels of the TV to see if I can find him, somewhere, anywhere. I'm somewhat disappointed and relived when I can't find him on any channel. I settle for the MTV music station and throw the remote on the bed. I grab my notebook from the nightstand and begin to doodle. Shortly after, Yitzhak emerges from the bathroom. I'm looking down at my notepad, concentrated but I can feel him looking at me. "Good morning." He says softly and goes about his business. I think he can feel what kind of day it's going to be. A 'don't fuck with Hedwig day', although that's most days if I'm being honest. Yitzhak doesn't know exactly what today is, but I think over the years of being together he's caught on. When I notice where my drawing is going, I slam the book closed and throw it across the room. Why was he always on my mind? Yitzhak turns around and starts to walk over towards me but I get up quickly and shut myself away in the bathroom. If I stayed, I knew I'd only do something I'd regret. I did it for the good of our relationship. Whatever's left of it that is. I decide to use this alone time to get ready. I put my makeup on, and my usual wig is sitting on the counter waiting to be switched out with my night wig. I emerge from the bathroom 45 minutes later in my full hair and makeup. I look at Yitzhak whose laying on his side of the bed listening to his cassette tape of _RENT_. He looks pretty content. I roll my eyes but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm jealous that- wait a minute, me jealous of Yitzhak? I laugh to myself and shake my head to dismiss the thought and walk over to the bed. Yitzhak notices the weight shift on the bed as I take a seat and turns towards me and takes off his headphones. "Do you want to listen with me?" He asks. I think for a moment before shaking my head but then I really think about it. Maybe it will keep my mind off of _him_. I grab his hand and nod my head to let him know I change my answer. I lay myself down next to him and he puts one of his hands around my shoulder to pull me closer. We go through the album singing along to the songs together. It's the most fun we've had together in a while. Although, I do have to admit it's a bit uncomfortable. We're practically nose to nose, squeezed together because the headphones barely stretch. Yitzhak turns slightly to face me and we stare at each other for a short moment before he moves closer and I feel his lips touch mine gently. He kisses me like this when he's unsure and also maybe because he knows I'll be pissed if he smudges my lipstick but right now, I really didn't care. I let him kiss me back. We were kind of getting into it for the first time in days but then I heard the TV in the background. _"Alright, here's your number one pick, with his new single, Tommy Gnosis, The Origin of Love."_ I pull the headphone off my ear quickly. Did I hear right? I break away from Yitzhak to look at the TV, It can't be true. My eyes are fixated on the screen. I finally see him. When they zoom in on him I can see he's a little older, a little taller and more matured but to me; he's still the same 17 year old boy I met in Junction City, Kansas. I'm so concentrated on Tommy that it takes me a minute to realize he took another song from me. Yitzhak gets up and sits in front of me and also the TV to block my view. He grabs my chin and gives me another kiss, this one more heated than the ones he was giving just a minute ago. I can tell he's getting defensive. I break away and avoid his gaze. He tries to bring me back into the kiss but I grab his hand to stop him. He throws my hand away and gets up angrily. "The fuck is wrong with you?" I ask him. "Why can't we-"he stopped and took a deep breath. I don't know why he does that. Why he can't just tell me things. "Why can't you just write a new song?!" he asked storming out of our hotel room. I watch him leave, a small part of me thinking maybe I should go after him. I choose to let him have his space. Ever since Tommy left me I haven't been able to write a song. I would start, but they always led back to Tommy and I would get so mad and upset because all I wanted to do was forget. I just decided to stick to the songs I already had written. I did get a slight satisfaction when he tried to put out his second album and it totally flopped. Maybe that just shows he needs me too. 'I shouldn't need him, I have Yitzhak.' I sigh, getting up to go take a walk. I need to get out of this hotel room; it was starting to make me claustrophobic.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with Hedwig the lovely JCM does 3. I hope you all are enjoying the story. I'd love to read some reviews. Anything helps :).

 **Chapter 2**

One reason why I like walking around in New York City is because I could walk around in my full attire and no one would bat an eyelash. I walk aimlessly around the city and find myself close to Time Square. I figure since I'm here, I mine as well look around. As I walk around I have to remind myself that I was supposed to be thinking of a way to fix my mistake with Yitzhak, but all I could think about was Tommy. He was all I could think about lately. It had been a few hours since I left the hotel room. I consider going back, thinking maybe Yitzhak is there but I don't think it's a good idea. I think we're just going to have a repeat of earlier. I'm tired of fighting. I sigh in exhaustion. I've been walking for hours and the only thought I can think of right this second is 'I wish I wore better shoes.'

As the sun slowly begins to set, the sky turns a beautiful mixture of orange and pink tones. It makes me think of Tommy, of course. What doesn't these days? I roll my eyes in disgust for myself, but then I smile. I remember the day we had been seeing each other for six months. Tommy and I laid out on a blanket outside my trailer and we watched the sunset. I remember he told me he never bothered to watch the sunset and beside me, it was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. I look down trying not cry and shake the memory from my head like an etch-a-sketch. As I refocus, I notice it's becoming dark quickly. I should probably head back; I don't know New York as well as I thought I did. I begin to turn around to go back when I hear a familiar tune attached to a familiar voice. Tommy? No. I close my eyes for a moment in the hopes that my mind is playing games with me. Nope, still there; and it's getting louder. I walk closer towards the sound. I see hundreds of people gathered around a tiny stage in the center of Time Square. I hope that's not who I think it is. I get a closer look. Of course it is. My mind keeps telling me just to turn around and walk back but I'm not listening. Not this time. I have mixed emotions when I see him up close. Sure, I've seen him on TV since we've broken up but never in person. I feel a sense of love and then anger. I want to hit him and then cry. I have questions that I want to ask him but never will. Without even realizing it, my body takes over and I start trying to move my way through the crowd to get as close as I can. It takes a while but I manage to push my way through the teenage mess and get only a few feet from the stage. I know I look misplaced but it feels right. It oddly feels like the old days. Tommy begins to sing his 'new' single and I can't take my eyes off of him. (Despite the fact that he's singing another one of my songs without giving me credit.) I secretly hope he catches my gaze. 'I mean I stand out pretty clear here, it would be pretty hard to miss me.' I say to myself. The more I watch him, the more the memories of us writing those songs and singing them together is almost too much for me, I think about leaving but my body won't let me. I look up one last time in the hopes that he sees me. I see him look at me finally, but quickly, and a look of panic spreads upon his face but he removes it quickly and continues with the song. When Tommy finishes the song, he turns around to lean on one of the drums in the back. No one knows what he's doing. After a few short moments of silence, Tommy turns around and returns to normal except he throws a towel at me before starting the next song. I remember when I threw my towel at him in that small café, I can't believe he'd remember to do something like that. I look back down at the towel and I furrow my brows in confusion until I see the black writing. I could recognize his scrawl anywhere. It says 'wait 4 me after.' I smile and tuck it away quickly so teenage girls don't attack me for it. I cut through the massive crowd and sit on a ledge nearby the stage. So, does that mean he wants to see me? A smile of satisfactions spreads across my face. I'm suddenly filled with some sense of happiness but what if he wants to tell me he never wants to see me again? Or – no I can't think like that.

I anxiously wait around for Tommy after his show. I wait a long time, and I almost think he's not going to come. I should have guessed. When I finally grow impatient, I hop off the ledge and begin walking away. Was I really stupid enough to think he really wanted to see me? "Hedwig? Hey!" I hear a guy's voice call me and I turn around. There he is, only feet from me; Tommy Gnosis. My stomach flutters like a teenage girl's would when she sees her crush. I slowly walk towards him and I see him crack a smile. I smile back and we just stare at each other. I can't believe how much he's grown up since the last time I've seen him but he still acts like the same awkward teenage boy around me. Neither one of us know how to break the silence, it's almost beginning to become uncomfortable. "I didn't know you were coming, I would have gotten you front row tickets." Tommy says and rubs the back of his neck. "I didn't know either." I whisper and look down. "So, how long are you in New York?" I look up from the ground. "A couple of days." I say and he smiles. "Well, maybe we can meet up and talk or somethin'?" My insides scream yes, but how would I ever get away from Yitzhak that long without him becoming suspicious? We'd probably have to have another fight. I sigh. "I don't think that's such a good idea." I can see the disappointment on his face. I know he can see the disappointment on mine. "Well, maybe I can just take you home then?" I nod and follow him to his limo. It was better than nothing I guess, and it was all innocent, right? I slide into the limo and he slides in next to me. We sit in silence for a moment until he offers me a drink. I take it, thinking what's the worst that could happen?

For the next hour, Tommy and I spend it drinking and singing our songs at the top of our lungs. We get closer and closer to each other with each song and the more alcohol we drink. Tommy tries to sneak a couple of kisses but I try to resist. He nips at my neck slightly before I stop him, a feeling of guilt rushing over me quickly. Why the fuck does my conscious always have to take over. I put a hand on his bare chest and close my eyes. "I think you should actually take me home now." Tommy sighs and I tell him which hotel I'm staying at and the street it's on. When we finally get to my hotel the driver helps me out, but I've had so much to drink, I can barely walk. "I'll walk you up." Tommy says, stumbling out of the limo. He can barely walk himself. I let him though because who knows when I'll see him again. We laugh because we know we look like fools and stumble our way through the lobby and take the elevator up to my floor. We hold on to each other and I fish the card key out of my bra. I really need to start putting pockets on my clothes. I refocus and before I can say goodbye to Tommy, he catches me by surprise and pins me up against the wall across from my door and starts kissing my neck. I try to keep silent because I don't want to give him the satisfaction but it's so hard not to like it. He grabs both my wrists and puts them slightly over my head. Apparently he's become adventurous since we've been together. "Tommy, what-" He cuts me off and doesn't let me finish. "What I should have done a long time ago." I close my eyes to think. What is wrong with me? No more than five feet away is my husband in my hotel room and I'm right outside dry humping with my ex-lover. I feel him hold my wrist with one and hand the other slides down around my waist band. Right as I feel his hand starting to slip under the waist band, I feel a force pull him off me. I open my eyes and see Tommy stumble back and the worst thing that could have happened, Yitzhak saw. My breathing quickens and I stare at him with regretful eyes. He looks hurt; he won't even look at me now. He walks over to Tommy and just stands in front of him intensely. Tommy stands up and faces Yitzhak. He looks back at me and shakes his head before punching Tommy right across his face. I didn't even know what to do or say. Yitzhak goes back into the room before I get a chance to say anything and slams the door. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I almost forgot about Tommy. I lean down to make sure he's alright but he only backs away from me. "Tommy?" I shake my head in confusion. "I'm- the drivers waiting." He says getting up and walking away quickly. "Tommy!" He leaves me standing alone in the hallway. I see him stumble to the elevator and he looks at me one last time before leaving.

That sobered me up pretty quickly. I'm not sure if it's a good idea but I decide to go into the war zone, AKA our hotel room. I know it's my fault, it always is but I'm still scared to face him. When I enter the hotel room, I see Yitzhak putting his stuff in his bag. I take another deep breath gathering the courage to talk to him. "What are you doing?" I ask him and move to sit down on the bed. He doesn't answer me. "You're not even going to fight with me?" I ask. Usually that's our specialty. He starts shoving things into the bag with more force. I know I did wrong but I hate it when he ignores me. "Will you just fucking talk to me? Say something? Do anything?!" I stand up and move towards him. He slams the last item down and comes walking towards me. He pushes me against the wall as Tommy did and restrains my hands. He presses up against me and puts his lips on me; anywhere he can find bare skin. I know it's not supposed to but it feels pretty good. "W-What are you doing?" I ask him somewhat confused. I thought this was the last thing he wanted to do with me right now. "This is what you want? Is it not?" He says forcefully with a hint of aggression and puts his lips back on my skin. "Sex?" I asked him. "Oh, that's what that was?" he asked throwing my hands down and moving off of me. I knew he was going to start getting defensive and angry, like he usually does. "Yitzhak, I don't know what to say." I see him look over at me. "Wow that's a first." I slump against the wall and I see him put the last of his things in his bag, it isn't much but somehow the room looks a lot emptier without his stuff. He heads towards the door. "Where are you going?" I ask in a disheveled mess. "To the other room." He said referring to the room where the band sleeps. He was leaving me. Only temporarily but he was leaving me, just like rest. It's my fault, I'm lucky he hasn't asked for a divorce yet. "Okay." I say simply and just let him go. He goes and slams the door again behind him. This time, I wasn't sure I was actually going to be able to fix what was wrong with us.


	3. Chapter 3

(Here's chapter 3 :). I actually really like this chapter… It's angst-y I would say so if that's your things you're in the right place. If not, don't worry. Yitzhak and Hedwig will be together again soon lol. I hope you enjoy it. As always, I own not a thing, it all goes to the amazing JCM. )

Chapter 3

It's been one week since the whole incident with Tommy. Yitzhak and I haven't said one word to each other. Or rather Yitzhak hasn't said one word to me. I also haven't had one gig because as soon as Phyllis found out what happen between Yitzhak and I, she took his side. (She was useless anyways.) I also have no band because they took Yitzhaks side as well. Why does there have to be sides? It's not like I haven't been trying to fix it. He won't talk to me. So now I'm alone, in New York City, with barely any money. I consider calling Tommy a few times but then I remember that's what got me in trouble in the first place. I pick up my notebook from the dresser and turn to the page I had been scribbling on for days. I started writing a new song, or was trying to at least. It was just a draft, for now, but I wrote it for Yitzhak. I debate with myself if I should take it to him. Maybe this could get us talking? I make an envelope out of another piece of paper and put the song into it with another little note for him that says 'This is what _you_ wanted, isn't it?' I close up the envelope, and walk to the room right next to mine. I don't even bother to knock; they'll all just slam the door in my face. I take a deep breath and slide the envelope under the door and run back to my room. I just hope he reads it before he rips it up.

A whole day passes, 24 hours, nothing. I assume Yitzhak has ripped it up, or worse. At this point, I really don't have any motivation to get up and do anything. I don't see the point. I decide to lie down on the bed, maybe I'll take a nap. I turn the TV on for background noise, I hate sleeping alone. I lay down on my side but something doesn't feel right. Half of the bed is so cold and empty feeling, but I get an idea. Fortunately for me, Yitzhak left his pillow, so I grab it and wrap myself around it as if it were actually him. I lay my head on it and take a deep breath. It smells like the cologne he usually wears. Just the smell of his cologne makes me feel better. I haven't slept a wink since Yitzhak left and oddly enough it helps me sleep.

I wake up a few hours later, still wrapped around Yitzhak's pillow. I roll over to get up but see a person standing towards the door. Still half asleep, I scream when I finally realize what I'm staring at. "Stop screaming." The voice says sternly. I stop screaming because I recognize the voice. "Yitzhak?" I ask as I turn on the light and my eyes take a minute to adjust. Sure enough, there he is, still standing in the corner. "Jesus Christ, were you trying to give me a heart attack?" I say putting a hand over my quickly beating heart. Yitzhak doesn't say anything but continues to look at me. I feel slightly embarrassed because I know he saw me sleeping with his pillow. I clear my throat and push away his pillow. I sit up and look at Yitzhak. I can see he's holding something, is it my note? "Are you going to sit down?" I ask. He shrugs his shoulders and stands by the door for a few extra seconds before sitting on the edge of the bed with his back facing me. I sigh and scoot down the bed so I'm sitting next to him. When I get close enough, I can tell it's my note he's holding. "Did you read it?" I ask calmly. "Yes." He said simply. I can tell he had looked over it more than once. It was crinkled from his strong grip and his anger. "Do you like it? I wrote it for you?" He looks down at it then looks at me through his peripheral vision then back down at the paper. "Was it really for me, or for him?" I get upset and somewhat angry at this question but I try to stay calm. "You, I wrote it when you left me. It's all I could really work on." He grunts. I can tell he doesn't believe me. He gets up and leaves the note on the bed. "You don't believe me?" I ask to prove to myself that I'm right. "I don't see why I should?" The mix of anger and hurt was becoming stronger, I didn't know which one was dominate. "Then why the fuck did you come?" I asked him trying not to cry. "Phyllis made me." I let out a silent breathy laugh. "Phyllis made you?" I whisper shaking my head. He wasn't here because he wanted to be. He was here because Phyllis wanted us to make up so we could go back on tour, and so she could make money. A single tear falls and I pick up the note. I take a deep breath before ripping the paper and throwing it back at him. "I guess you know what to tell Phyllis." I say crawling back towards my pillow. Yitzhak just shakes his head, almost like he feels sorry for me. "Just go!" I scream "You clearly don't want to be here with me, so just go!" I say. I close my eyes and wait for him to come over to the bed but he never does. A few seconds later I hear the door shut behind him. I lay my head on Yitzhaks pillows and cry. I hate being this emotional. It makes me crazy; I make poor decisions and right now was no different. I lean over to the end table and pick up the phone. I dial the number and wait for the answer. "Hello?" I hear the voice say and for a moment it calms me. "T-Tommy?"


	4. Chapter 4

(Finally, here is chapter 4. I struggled with this chapter slightly, so it took me a little longer than usually to write it. Plus, because it's one of the longer chapters, I was really avoiding editing this but it's done! I really like how this chapter turned out. I hope you like it too. If you do maybe leave a review? As always, I own nothing. The amazing JCM does3)

Chapter 4

I don't know why I called him. He's the first person I can think of, I didn't have anyone else. I needed to talk to someone who would understand me clearly and he's the one, the one who knows me. As much as we both want to deny it, we know it's true. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. When he picks up the phone, I'm relieved to hear his voice. "T-Tommy?" I say quietly. "Hedwig?" He asks in a confused tone. I close my eyes and clutch the phone waiting for the dial tone but I'm surprised to hear he answers. "Are you alright?" I shake my head even though I know he can't see me. "I know what happened last week probably makes you never want to see me again but, I didn't know who else to call." I hear him sigh. "I'm sorry Hedwig, I can't-"I slump my shoulders in defeat. I should have known. "Tommy, please." I whisper almost desperately. "I just need someone to talk to." I don't think I've ever been this emotional in all my life. "I'm not going to get punched again am I?" He asked in a serious tone. "No. he's gone." I say simply and I try to keep myself together but it's hard. I can't pretend anymore that all of this doesn't hurt. "I have a little free time in between my CD signing and my concert. I guess we can meet up then." I smile. "Where should we meet?" I ask him. "I'll come get you?" I think for a moment. What about Yitzhak? I shake my head, it doesn't matter anymore. He's made that perfectly clear. "Okay, Tomorrow." I confirm and hang up the phone.

Instantly after, I feel a pang of regret. Christ, the conscious again? I lie back down and wrap myself around Yitzhak's pillow without even realizing it. I try to fall back asleep but suddenly I hear music coming from the next room. I get up slowly and press my ear against the wall. The walls were paper thin, you could hear almost everything. I could hear Phyllis talking on her latest cell phone and the band was goofing around, playing random songs and singing. I could pick Yitzhak's voice out of the group, easily, without a doubt. He sounded happy. It makes me remember when we used to do that. A lot of the times, Yitzhak would end up just sing to me. I take a few steps back from the wall until I fall back onto the bed. I take a couple of deep breaths to keep myself calm, I'm not about to get all worked up again. A few minutes later I'm startled by a knock at the door. I decide I'm not going to answer it, but the person outside doesn't sound like they're going to go away so, I reluctantly get up to answer the door. I'm surprised to see its Phyllis. I was almost kind of hoping it was Yitzhak. "Can we talk for a moment?" she asks. I debate on it for a moment and decide to let her in. I nod and open the door wider so she can enter. "I just wanted to come see if you were alright." I walk back over to the bed and sit on the edge, rolling my eyes at her statement. "After two weeks, thanks." I say sarcastically. "Look, I'm sorry we iced you out. I just didn't think you needed my help anymore but Yitzhak said-"I turn my head so quick to look at her I thought I got whiplash. "Yitzhak said? Yitzhak said what?" I ask angrily. "Calm down, Yitzhak just said you didn't seem so well." I shake my head. "Well, now that you can clearly see I'm fine, you can go." I lie and Phyllis sighs. I know she can see that I'm not all I say I am. "Before I go, I just want to tell you, I finally booked us a new gig in Boston. We're leaving New York earlier than we planned." I instantly start to panic. What if I can't see Tommy? "How much earlier?" I ask as calmly as I can. "We should probably leave the day after tomorrow if we want to get there in a decent amount of time. Now, I managed to smooth things out between the band and I'm here if you need me but there's a certain someone you may want to talk to." She winks. I hate when she does that, tries to fix Yitzhak and I's relationship. Our relationship is hard enough without other people butting in to it. "We'll all talk more tomorrow; we need to have a band meeting anyways before we head out again. Have a good night." She says on her way out. I roll my eyes and flop back down on the bed as I watch her leave. I sleep a little better that night knowing now that everyone doesn't hate me, well, almost everyone.

The next day, I wake up in the late afternoon. As I start to wake up, I feel like it's the best sleep I've gotten since we've been in New York. I smile, remembering that Tommy is going to be coming to get me soon. I get up, put on some music and hop in the shower. I will say the only good thing about not sharing the room with Yitzhak anymore was that I could shower first and there was still hot water left. I realize while I'm getting ready that my problem that had made me call Tommy in the first place was gone. Well, almost gone. I guess I could just try and enjoy our time together. It's probably the last time we're going to see each other for a long while anyways. My stomach turns at the thought. I shake it off and continue to get ready. I anxiously wait around for Tommy, not knowing when he'll show, or if he'll show at all. My doubts are put to rest when I hear him knock on the door and call for me. I run to answer it. "You're here." I smile. He smiles back. "I told you I would be." He says and gestures for me to come. As we walk to his limo, memories of the week before come flooding back and I instantly feel like I'm making the wrong choice. I'm not telling anyone that I'm going with him. Maybe I should at least leave a note? No, the last time I wrote a note it only made things worse. Tommy pulls me to walk faster, he's excited for something. I don't know what yet. I'm suspicious because he won't tell me where we're going. "You're not gunna blind fold me are you?" I ask him and he laughs to himself and shakes his head. "Don't worry so much, okay?" That's what I like about him, his care free attitude. Although come to think of it, he may have gotten most of that from me. Tommy looks over and I can feel him staring at me. "I see you're feeling better." He mentions, trying to make conversation. I nod. Oh great, now he probably thinks I just put on an act last night. "A lot has changed in the past twenty four hours." I say quietly. "Well, I'm glad."

The limo stops and Tommy gets out first, I follow him closely. I don't really know where we are but I follow him regardless. We enter a tall, extravagant building and we ride the elevator in silence almost to the top. He pulls out a set of keys and we walk into the apartment. "What is this?" I ask looking around. "Home." He says. "I'm impressed." I say quietly under my breath. He nods and throws his jacket over the couch. "You want something to drink?" he asks. I shrug. "I guess whatever you're having." He walks off into the kitchen and I decide to look around. He's really made something of himself. I feel a surge of jealousy but I try not to let it resurface. It's kind of hard to push those feelings aside when I think about how all of this could have been mine. We had tried so many times to make a deal with Tommy but his manager wouldn't hear it. Homophobic bitch. I walk around slowly; Overwhelmed by all there is to see. I notice something interesting while I'm looking around. I see it on the coffee table in his living room. It's a poster, with his signature logo and different dates next to each state. I pick it up and look at it closer. Is this a tour poster? I shake my head in disbelief. Making a CD is one thing but now he was going to travel the states singing the songs I wrote? I had been traveling for month with the band and nothing. Now he thinks he can come in and take that from me too? I hear him coming back in and I hold the poster out so he can see it. "Were you even going to tell me?" I ask him almost feeling more hurt now than angry. "Shit, you found that?" He asks but considering that he wasn't even trying to hide it, I don't know why he's surprised. "You're really going on tour?" I ask him. He nods simply. "It was my manager's idea." He said handing me the drink. "Yeah, of course it was." I mumble. I shake my head and take a big swig of whatever was in the glass. It was some sort of alcohol, thank God. He puts his drink down and grabs the poster from me. I see him search for something on a nearby desk and then I see him scribbling on the poster. His face is beaming when he turns around. "I was gunna wait until later, but since you found it now." He said turning the poster around to reveal it. I search for what's different. I look towards the top and see the change. Now it says 'Tommy Gnosis & Hedwig Robinson: Origin of Love Tour.' He added my name? "Tommy? I don't-"He looks at me with sincerity. "I want you to come with me." I'm so surprised, I can't even move. No words are coming to mind. This is what I wanted all those years ago and I thought I always knew what I was going to say to him but now I didn't even know where to start. I almost blurt out yes but I really have to stop and think about it. I have another life, one that isn't with Tommy. Even though Yitzhak and I are on the rocks right now, I don't know if I could ever just up and leave him. We both love each other somewhere deep down inside and sometimes it just gets lost trying to surface. Then I start thinking about the band, and Phyllis. It's all starting to become overwhelming. "I think I should sit for a minute." I say breathlessly and put my glass down on the side table. "So are you coming?" he asks. I take a few breaths and look into his eyes. So much of me wants to go with him but what if he's still the same person he was before? What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore? Can I risk that again? I can't get attached just to be heartbroken again. "No." he looks at me with confused eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't. Not again." I see him shake his head. "This was our dream from before, you remember." He says pleading. "Things are different now. I'm married with a band and a manager." I say. It almost sounds like some corny, twisted love story. "That's what you want?" He asked. I wasn't sure what I wanted but I nod. "Oh." He drops the poster and walks over to the couch, sitting next to me. He puts a hand on my knee and we both freeze. He turns towards me and I turn my head to look at him. We stare at each other for a moment before he leans and places a kiss on my lips. When I don't stop him right away he keeps going. I almost feel guilty for wanting it. I pull away; I can't get any more attached than I already am. I knew this was going to happen. "Tommy, I can't." I say getting up and taking another drink from my glass. "Why not?" he asks, his voice cracking slightly. "Because I'm leaving tomorrow and I can't-"I take a deep breath. I don't want to tell him the real reason. "I should probably be getting ready to go." I say after a full minute of silence. He just nods his head, not having anything else to say. I don't want to cry in front of him, not again. He gathers his things and we head back down to the limo. I feel anxious the whole ride back, I don't even notice it but I'm fidgeting with my hands. He reaches out and puts his hands over mine to steady them. I look down and our hands and then up at him. He gives me a little smile and let's go of my hands. When we get to my hotel, I make my way out of the limo and notice Tommy follows me. "Hey, you aren't going to say goodbye?" he asks. I'm surprised, I really didn't think he was the kind of person to say goodbye. I really should stop holding the grudge on him for running out on me all those years ago. I walk back over towards the limo and give him a hug. I always felt we were a perfect fit. It was the most comfortable I felt in days. We break apart and I give him one last kiss, nothing sexual, just the goodbye we never got to have the first time.

When I break apart, I happened to look up and see Yitzhak looking out of the window to our room. Shit, not again. I see him disappear quickly. I pull away from Tommy, our hands letting go of each other's one last time and start running to get to my room before Yitzhak starts jumping to conclusions. I don't even bother to take the elevator. I run up the few flights of stairs quickly (well, as quickly as I could in heels) to get to my room. I fumble with the room key before finally making my way inside. I huff, nearly wanting to pass out from being so out of breath. He's still here, thankfully. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, avoiding me. "Hi. I'm back." I say trying to start conversation. I walk slowly over to the edge of the bed and sit down next to him. He doesn't move a muscle. "Where the hell have you been?" I know he knows the answer. He saw. "I went out for a little while, is that a crime?" I ask. "We thought something happened to you! You could have been dead for all we knew!" he screamed in frustration. I look at him. He's up now, breathing heavily. "I was only gone a few hou-"He cuts me off. "It doesn't matter how long you were gone for. You didn't tell anyone you were leaving so we thought you went missing. You've been locked in here for the past two weeks; we didn't expect you to be gone." He said looking at me for an answer. "I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say. I know now that he's said his peace and we're just avoiding what happened outside. He paces back and forth and few times before stopping. I can see he wants to say something, so I get it over with. "I know you saw." I say knowing he knows what I'm talking about. He shakes his head. "You were with him again?" He asks. "What is it about him? Why does it always have to be him?" He asks me. Honestly, I don't even know the answer to that. And even if I did, the answer would never stay the same for long. I was always changing my mind. I shrug and I see him give me a look of disbelief. "I'm your husband, when am I going to come before him?" I can see his anger is dissipating and turning into hurt. When I can't answer him, he turns around and walks out, calmly this time. Little does he know I've made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I chose him for once and he doesn't even know it. He doesn't know what really happened outside and who knows if he's going to actually give me a chance to explain it to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**(So, Chapter 5 is finally finished :)! I've been procrastinating so hard with this, for the past two weeks all I've had to do is finish the last 3 sentences and do one final edit. I'm sorry this took so long. Plus side is, I've already got the next couple chapters semi-planned so I just need to get to writing. I hope I've still got some readers. If you have suggestions or comments feel free to let me know. You can follow me on tumblr if you wish, I post updates sometimes and I'd love to make new friends :) * .Com *)**

After Yitzhak had walked out, I spent a lot of time staring at the door waiting for him to come back. I wanted to tell Yitzhak what happened. No, I _needed_ to tell him. If there was any chance of us fixing our relationship, he had to know. He _needed_ to know it wasn't what it looked like. He _needed_ to know that for once, I chose what was best for all of us and not just for me. I _needed_ him to know that I chose _him_ over Tommy. After about an hour of waiting I give up and start getting ready for bed. I suddenly remember that we're leaving tomorrow and none of my things are packed up. I sigh in exhaustion, dig my bag out of the closet and begin packing. I didn't even know where to begin. I didn't realize I had so much stuff; usually Yitzhak is here to help me. Now I have to do it alone. It takes me longer this time to pack because I find myself staring at every little thing that reminds me of Yitzhak or even Tommy. I finally finish packing around 5 a.m. I hadn't noticed until I was finished that it took me all night, I didn't think it was going to be this hard. I was so tired and I had no idea what time we were leaving but I try to get some sleep regardless. I knew waking up and facing him was going to be rough.

"Hedwig! Hedwig! Open the door!" I jolt awake to some lunatic banging on my door. Phyllis? I could kill her. I look over at the clock, 7:30 a.m. Is she psychotic? I stumble out of bed and put on my robe before answering the door. I open the door to let her in and lean on the wall for support. "Rough night?" She questions and I glare at her behind her back because I know she knows the answer. She starts looking around the room. "Good, I see you're all packed up. We're packing the cars now. Bring your things out so the boys can put it in the car and then we're hitting the road!" She says too cheerfully for the morning. I groan at her and she puts both of her hands on my face. "Today is a new day, make it count. Now get a move on!" She says before rushing out of the room. I throw on the outfit that I left out for myself and shove my robe into my bag. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel like death. Two and a half hours of sleep is definitely not going to be enough to get me through this day. I gather up my bags and bring them down to the car. I stop at a distance and see Yitzhak helping the other boys pack everything in the cars. He still looks upset. I take a deep breath and start to walk over to the car. What was I so afraid of? I take my bags off my shoulders and Yitzhak takes them from me without saying a word. I begin to say something but he pushes right past me and starts to head back up for the last of our stuff. I follow him, determined to talk to him. "Can you slow down?" I ask him while huffing out of breath, trying to keep up with him. I can barely stand, let alone chase him through the hotel. He ignores me. "I need to talk to you." He stops suddenly, I almost run into him. "I have nothing to say." He says without looking at me. Before he can start walking away again, I try to grab his hand but he pulls away from me. "Yitzhak?" He keeps on walking. I don't even try to follow him this time. I turn around and head back down to the lobby, so much for a new day. I roll my eyes thinking about what Phyllis said to me earlier. I wait in the lobby, figuring it was best if I stayed out of the way. Phyllis came and got me after she had checked out and we were ready to go. She grabs my hand and leads me outside. "Now, I know you may not like it but I'm going to drive the car with the boys and you are going to ride with Yitzhak. Okay?" She says as quickly as possible. I start freak out a little. "Why would you make that arrangement? You know what's happening between us right now!" I say knowing I'm starting to make a scene but at this point, I don't care. "Hedwig, please." She says grabbing my arm and trying to calm me down. "You weren't here last night when we had the meeting. You know Yitzhak, yourself, and I are the only ones that know how to drive. Since you weren't here, you don't know the routes and the stops so Yitzhak and I have to drive and there's no room left in my car with all the boys and the equipment." She says starting to walk over to her car. "Phyllis?" I plead with one final attempt and it's at this time I realize, I'm screwed. What a great trip this was going to be.

I hesitantly walk over to the car. I will never forgive Phyllis for this. I know she did this on purpose. One of the boys could have switched with me. I get in the car and put my seatbelt on without saying a word. Yitzhak doesn't speak either. I turn my head to say something but I shake my head. Forget it; he's going to ignore me the whole trips anyways, why bother. Phyllis gives the signal and we head out on the road. I lean my head against the window and sigh. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. At some point, I finally get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but I regret it. Every time I close my eyes I see Tommy. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to think about him anymore but I can't get him out of my mind. Now, he's even invading my dreams. It's so vivid, it almost seems real. I dream about Tommy asking me to go on tour with him, our last kiss, what we would be like if I had gone on tour with him; doing what we dreamed about all those years ago. It's nice to finally have a peaceful dream for once. But then it takes a turn for the worse. It turns into a nightmare. Scenes flashing of Tommy leaving me, of standing there all alone, seeing him on stage singing what we wrote together. It all just becomes too much and I jolt awake. I look around, breathing heavily and I notice we're stopped. I look outside and see Yitzhak pumping gas. This must be where we were stopping first. I steady my breathing and put my head back against the seat. Yitzhak finishes pumping gas and gets back in the car. I see out of the corner of my eye, that he's looking at me. He's still not saying a word to me. I'm unsure if I should start talking to him or just go back to sleep. "Where are we?" I ask him quietly. I hear him sigh. "Connecticut." He says simply. I look at him while he starts the car. I wait until we start moving to bring up the subject of last night. This way he can't run away from me again. "Can we talk about last night?" He ignores me. "Please?" I make one finally attempt. He still doesn't answer me. "Can you not act like a fucking child for once?" I say angrily. "What do you want me to say?!" He says just as angrily. "You don't have to say anything; I just want you to listen!" I plead. "I'm tired of hearing about you and him. I'm done hearing it, seeing it, and talking about it." He slams his hands against the steering wheel in frustration and I jump slightly. "I can't believe you won't even trust me to tell you the truth." He shakes his head. "I don't know what to believe anymore; clearly you've made your choice." Now I really can't even believe what I'm hearing. "Are you fucking kidding me? You don't know what my choice is because you won't listen to a single God damn word that I have to say! If you would have let me explain last night instead of walking out like a child, you would have known that I went to talk to Tommy because I was upset about you and I and he asked me to go on tour with him and I said NO!" I pant quickly trying to catch my breath and he turns his head quickly to look at me. "He asked me to go on tour with him and I said no. He took me home and we kissed goodbye because we're probably not going to see each other for a very long time. It was our goodbye, okay? The one I never got to have. _Now_ , you know my choice." I try to keep from getting upset but I can't help it. The last couple of days have been the worst and screaming and crying almost seemed to make it a little better. Thank God the highway was practically empty because I could only imagine what it would have looked like to someone else who was passing us. I have my head in my hands and I can still feel Yitzhak glancing over at me. We both stay silent for a moment, both of us not really having anything to say. "Hedwig?" He says gently. I shake my head. "I'm sorry." He says. I look up straight ahead with wet eyes. I refuse to look at him. "I know I fucked up going to see Tommy, but I didn't have anyone else. None of you would talk to me. I thought we were done." Yitzhak looks back at the road and then to me. "We both fucked up. We didn't handle it the way we should have. I shouldn't have been ignoring you." I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry too." I whisper. That's probably the first time I've apologized to him with sincerity. He deserved it, after all the shit I put him through. "I don't deserve any of this." I shake my head. "I don't deserve you." I close my eyes and I feel him put his hand on my thigh. I look up at him finally and I put my hand over his and squeeze it. "Don't say that." He says. "We both need each other." He admits and I know he's right. "We can fix this, right?" I ask him as I feel myself falling asleep. I don't hear him answer because I know that he doesn't know the answer, neither do I. As drift back to sleep, I hold on to Yitzhak's hand tightly. It's the first time we've really touched in almost a month. I feel him trying to slip his hand out from under mine but I don't let him. It was stupid, but I almost slept better with his hand on my thigh. Just knowing he was next to me finally, after all this time, that's all I needed.

When I wake up, I feel different. We're not in the car anymore. We're in a hotel room. When did we even get to Boston? How long have I been sleeping? I sit up quickly, panicking when I don't see Yitzhak. Maybe I was still in New York and what just happened was all a dream. My worries are put to rest when I see Yitzhak walk out of the bathroom. "I would say good morning, but it's pretty late in the afternoon." Yitzhak says to me as he walks over to the bed. "When did we get to Boston?" I ask him. "About eleven-thirty." He says and sits next to me. "How did I get in here? I don't remember anyone waking me up." Yitzhak lets out a breathy laugh; I know he can see the confusion on my face. "I carried you." He said simply like it was no big deal but I smile to myself. He returns to unpacking our things, which I assume he was doing before I woke up. "Why didn't you wake me up?" I want to get out of the bed and help but it feels so nice. "I know you needed the sleep." I nod because he's right. I'm almost glad he let me sleep. "Well, thank you." I said slowly working my way out of bed. I watch Yitzhak closely and smile. I can't believe he's still here. After all we been through these past couple weeks, I feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.


End file.
